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About Literature / Hobbyist Jay E HainesFemale/United States Recent Activity
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To Build a Home - Coloured Version by AlessiaPelonzi

The attention the detail is fantastic. You really captured the rundown and somber nature of what you were trying to convey. The pitch b...

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Perfection is never possible.
This much I do know.
But my god,
When I see you,
I almost feel it’s so.

Because you have no idea what I’d give,
How hard I try,
To coax that tired smile from your lips.
The little curve that sets my blackened,
Cold heart alight.

Because I am damned, cursed and lost, astray.
For a time I would have cast you aside,
Looked on at your fearful plight.
An angel, stripped and bruised,
A sacrifice on an alter of doubt and hatred.
No wings to grant you freedom,
And no hope to give you strength.
So very far from all you know.

I’d have sat beside you,
As the stars flowed from your body,
And rejoined their brothers in the cosmos.
I’d have watched as you were shattered,
Torn down and wrecked,
Ripped open and left on display,
For my brothers and sisters to have as they so please.

Now I’ve met you again,
That same angel in a mortal shell.
You gazed at me,
And began to sing.
Oh, my God.
There you are.
Hello, my love.

In your laughs and your chuckles,
I still hear the songs of angels.
In your hisses and your moans,
I hear the stars, the galaxies,
Whose souls now flood your veins,
Who bring your breathe and keep you so very close to me.

I see the stars in your eyes.
The heaven I will never reach in your smile.
The clouds you called home in your kisses.
The fire you fight with in your whispers.
The chimes and choirs in your voice.
And I pray.

And I thank a God I don’t believe in,
That the “I love you”
That crosses your soft lips
Is for me.
That the delicate flutter of your pulse
Beneath warn alabaster skin
Is mine to touch.

Your blemishes are my star map,
Your azure eyes my precious stones.
And I feel like a condemned man
At the feet of a saint,
To think
That your steady heart bears my name.
Because you are stardust and music.
Supernovas and mountain winds,
Sunshine and meteor showers.

My dear,
I should've worshipped you sooner.
I’ll worship like a dog
At the shrine of your light.
I’ll tell you my sins
So you can sharpen your knife.
Offer me my deathless death.
Good God, let me give you my life.
Amen

I am not a good man.
One could wonder if I ever was.
But maybe even the darkest demons
Deserve to love again.
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin.
The only heaven I'll be sent to
Is when I'm alone with you.

So here I kneel,
At the feet of my saint.
So undeserving of all you give.
Your faith,
Your kindness,
Your determination.
And I drink…
And I drink…
And I bleed you dry.
For as I watched you writhe on the altar,
As diamonds fell from sapphire skies…

To see you broken,
I…
I…
I…


Lend me those silver wings,
That halo, tarnished and cold,
Worthiness be damned.
For you, my love,
I’ll give you what you’ve always believed lost.

It’s still a little broken,
A little battered,
A little bruised.
But a heart is all I have to bestow.

For if I cannot be trusted with yours,
Perhaps you’ll take mine in its place.
Universe
A random idea that popped into my head that morphed from Borderlands to religion to lovey dovey stuff. My train of thought gets derailed very often.

For Julian.

EDIT: I just realized some of the words are lyrics from the song Take Me to Church by Hozier. *insert obligatory 'song isn't mine' BS*
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37 Questions

Do you remember?

Remember what?

What it felt like?

Huh?

To live?

Maybe…

To not just be the person riding in your body, viewing your life through devices used for sight?

Yes, I do.

To gaze around your world with wide eyes?

Yes, and to see the world for the beauty it is. So I went to the rainforest.

To have a seemingly permanent smile?

Yes. So I looked for friendship.

To not just hear the constant noise?

Yes. So I went to Japan.

To hear a new song and feel chills run down your spine for the sheer brilliance of every note, every cord, every verse?

Yes. So I went to Berlin.

To listen to the sounds of life?

Yes. So I went to New Orleans.

To listen to the silence of snowfall or the rhythm of rain?

Yes. So I stayed home.

To not just eat to survive or avoid it at all costs to fit into everything?

Yes. So I went to New York.

To taste an explosion of flavors and revel in each delicious one?

Yes. So I went to Venice.

To not just smell smoke or fumes or charred food or blood, and ignore them all?

Yes. So I went to Rome.

To breathe in the aromas of cooking meat and warm chocolate and baked bread, fresh flowers and cut grass and cool salt water?

Yes. So I went to Paris.

To not just feel burns on your arms and fingertips, or your own body’s rebellion?

Yes. So I went to Argentina.

To feel a lover’s soft hair, or an all-encompassing embrace from true friends, or a cooling breeze?

Yes. So I went to London.

To have adrenaline running through your veins?

Yes. So I went to Madrid.

To lack breath, not from a disease or malice, but from laughing until no more sound will come, or a kiss that makes it impossible, or a sight that takes it away?

Yes. So I returned to London.

To smile so bright it could power whole countries?

Yes. So I took the risk and asked them.

To be connected to every touch, every sight, every sound?

Yes. So I listened when they answered me.

To love without abandon and as if you have never felt true pain?

Yes. So I picked the place we’d go.

To live each day excited to wake up and anxious to sleep, only to seek the new opportunities of the next?

Yes. So I asked them to spend the night.

To wake up to sunlight streaming through the windows and feel its warmth?

Yes. So I watched them wake up beside me in the morning.

To know the love of your parents, the protection of your siblings, and the comfort of your friends?

Yes. So I moved to London.

To hope for what may come?

Yes. So I kneeled.

To have faith in the world and marvel at its wonders?

Yes. So I asked.

To love another as if you have always known how and never truly got the chance?

Yes. So I put the ring on their finger.

To feel anticipation and excitement?

Yes. So I kissed them as if it was the first time.

To feel your stomach dropping, not from dread or fear, but from the thrill of a roller coaster or the sheer amazement of a return of affection?

Yes. So I stared at the test in amazement.

To approach hospital doors not to watch loved ones leave us, or to hear news we’re terrified of?

Yes.

To see a new life come into the world, or a stranger take their first few steps again after having lost all hope they ever would?

Yes. So I held them for the first time.

To lift a child into the air and give to them the gift of flight, even if it’s only for a few moments?

Yes. So I lifted them high and twirled them around.

To dream as if you will live for a thousand years, and even the wildest ones seeming almost possible?

Yes. So I watched them grow into adults, seeking their own adventures.

To not just be surviving?

Yes.

Me neither.

I hope one day, you’ll say me too.

So when did we become so… numb?

Let’s not be. Together.

So when did we become so… numb?

When did we decide to be?
Remember Three
Part 3 of Remember. A poem on hope, dreams, and loving who we are.

Part One:

Part Two: kradamluv918.deviantart.com/ar…
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Hello people of DeviantArt!

I am in need of people willing to read a small section of a book and give opinions, comments, and criticism, GOOD AND BAD, about it. I want to see this thing get off the ground! 

If you are interested, comment on this or send me a note.
  • Mood: Eager
  • Listening to: Automatonic Electronic Harmonics

Mature Content


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36 Questions

Do you remember?

What?

What it felt like?

What what felt like?

To live?

But I am living.

To not just be the person riding in your body, viewing your life through devices used for sight?

… No…

To gaze around your world with wide eyes?

No.

To have a seemingly permanent smile?

No.

To not just hear the constant noise?

No.

To hear a new song and feel chills run down your spine for the sheer brilliance of every note, every cord, every verse?

No.

To listen to the sounds of life?

No.

To listen to the silence of snowfall or the rhythm of rain?

No.

To not just eat to survive or avoid it at all costs to fit into everything?

No.

To taste an explosion of flavors and revel in each delicious one?

No.

To not just smell smoke or fumes or charred food or blood, and ignore them all?

No.

To breathe in the aromas of cooking meat and warm chocolate and baked bread, fresh flowers and cut grass and cool salt water?

No.

To not just feel burns on your arms and fingertips, or your own body’s rebellion?

No.

To feel a lover’s soft hair, or an all-encompassing embrace from true friends, or a cooling breeze?

No.

To have adrenaline running through your veins?

No.

To lack breath, not from a disease or malice, but from laughing until no more sound will come, or a kiss that makes it impossible, or a sight that takes it away?

No.

To smile so bright it could power whole countries?

No.

To be connected to every touch, every sight, every sound?

No.

To love without abandon and as if you have never felt true pain?

No.

To live each day excited to wake up and anxious to sleep, only to seek the new opportunities of the next?

No.

To wake up to sunlight streaming through the windows and feel its warmth?

No.

To know the love of your parents, the protection of your siblings, and the comfort of your friends?

No.

To hope for what may come?

No.

To have faith in the world and marvel at its wonders?

No.

To love another as if you have always known how and never truly got the chance?

No.

To feel anticipation and excitement?

No.

To feel your stomach dropping, not from dread or fear, but from the thrill of a roller coaster or the sheer amazement of a return of affection?

No.

To approach hospital doors not to watch loved ones leave us, or to hear news we’re terrified of?

No.

To see a new life come into the world, or a stranger take their first few steps again after having lost all hope they ever would?

No.

To lift a child into the air and give to them the gift of flight, even if it’s only for a few moments?

No.

To dream as if you will live for a thousand years, and even the wildest ones seeming almost possible?

No.

To not just be surviving?

No.

Me neither.

So when did we become so… numb?

Maybe when we looked at the world through those wide eyes and saw things that made us want to slam them shut.

Maybe when that bright smile began to yellow and we had our teeth kicked in too many times.

Maybe when that constant noise became gunshots and cannon fire.

Maybe when the chills down our spines became the feeling of being in someone else’s cross-hairs.

Maybe when the sounds of life became the screeching of brakes and the twisting of metal, and screams of all of those we couldn’t save and the hatred of those who didn’t know us from the rocks they threw at our houses and cars.

Maybe when the snowfall turns black and yellow from dirt and piss and the rain became acid.

Maybe when eating for survival wasn’t even a good enough reason, if it meant others would call us beautiful.

Maybe when those flavors became blood and vomit and venom and our words.

Maybe when that smoke was people and those fumes were flammable and that charred food was all we had left and that blood is ours.

Maybe when we realized ignoring them is what it takes to survive.

Maybe when the cooking meat was human and the chocolate was a melted Hershey bar and the bread was molded.

Maybe when the flowers were dying and the grass was filled with bugs and chemicals and the salt water was determined to kill us.

Maybe when those burns and rebellions were self-inflicted and the pain is what makes us feel.

Maybe when we woke up to find it a dream and our arms were empty and cold and the breeze is tearing our home apart.

Maybe when that adrenaline pumped as we ran for our lives.

Maybe when that breath was our last.

Maybe when that smile actually meant ‘use me and abuse me and make me hate me’.

Maybe when those connections became burdens others threw at you because they didn’t want them.

Maybe when that love was lost and used until it broke.

Maybe when the next day held the same as the last, and waking up meant facing a world we didn’t want to see again.

Maybe when that sunlight was blinding and it hurt and caused disease and burned.

Maybe when our parents became our enemies and our siblings left us behind and our friends ripped off pieces of us they didn’t personally like.

Maybe when hope made us naive and we were used and thrown away.

Maybe when people began to kill for their faith and the marvels became their weapons.

Maybe when we forgot how to love.

Maybe when that anticipation became anxiety and made us sick inside and excitement became looked down on and childish.

Maybe when that dread became reality and the fear was proved right, and that roller coaster killed a little boy and the affections were unrequited or could be manipulated.

Maybe when those loved ones were all we had and the news meant we would be alone again.

Maybe when that new life died three weeks later in its sleep and the coffin was so small.

Maybe when they fell trying.

Maybe when the child cried, or we lost our grip, or we weren’t strong enough.

Maybe when we woke up and realized we only had a few decades.

Maybe when even surviving became impossible.


So when did we become so… numb?

Maybe when we realized numbness hurt less.
Remember Two
A poem on isolation, depression, PTSD and inner demons.

Part Two of Remember. 

Part One: kradamluv918.deviantart.com/ar…

Part Three: kradamluv918.deviantart.com/ar…
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kradamluv918
Jay E Haines
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
I change. My thoughts change. My tastes in people change. Looks matter less. Being a good person matters more. They have to be intelligent, curious, have a quick wit and a quicker tongue, a thick skin and the need to GO. To travel, to see the world and cover the Earth in your footprints, to meet people and experience what you never thought you would, to connect on a level that astounds you. But you have to be able to keep up. and a good sense of humor. Older, smarter, more confident.

Because I want an adventure. I never intend for my life to be dull, normal, and boring. I want to run, to jump, to soar! Because right now I am so very, very low. But I will fly and climb SO. MUCH. HIGHER.

So sit back, and watch me go. Because you're in for one hell of a show.

www.thatssotrue.com/view/Fangi…

:iconangelwingleftplz: I BELIEVE IN ANGELS :iconangelwingrightplz:

Current Residence: New Jersey but London-bound
deviantWEAR sizing preference: 2XL
Favourite genre of music: Rock, Classical, Metal
Favourite photographer: Julie Urtz
Favourite style of art: Writing and music
Operating System: Windows 7, laptop
MP3 player of choice: Spotify
Favourite cartoon characters: The Joker and Harley Quinn
Personal Quote: "Dreams are never silly. Depend on them to guide you."
Interests

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:iconfrozenstrike:
FrozenStrike Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hey look, another Borderlands fan! :D
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:iconwinxhelina:
Winxhelina Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2015  Hobbyist Filmographer
Happy birthday!!
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:iconkradamluv918:
kradamluv918 Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks a bunch! That's really sweet of you.
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:iconwinxhelina:
Winxhelina Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2015  Hobbyist Filmographer
You're welcome!
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:iconmintotoo:
mintotoo Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2015  Student General Artist
Thank you for the fav! :D
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:iconkradamluv918:
kradamluv918 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
No problemo!
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:iconmad42sam:
Mad42Sam Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2015   Digital Artist
Thank you for the fav :)
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:iconkradamluv918:
kradamluv918 Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
No problemo!
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:iconthefemaledoctor1073:
TheFemaleDoctor1073 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fave :3
Reply
:iconkradamluv918:
kradamluv918 Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
No problem!
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