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kradamluv918

The Vault Hunter
22 Watchers50 Deviations
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Warning: I can't be trusted in relationships. I'm evil, manipulative, and cruel.

Warning: I lie ALL THE TIME, without thinking. It comes more naturally to me than the truth. I lied to Frankie, to Ariel, to John S., to my friends, to Alex, to Joe, to Julian, to John R., and to Josh. I do it with anyone that matters, to anyone who trusts me or gets close to me. I pretend to be someone I'm not. I tell stories and lies and make up traumas so people won't ask questions, and it always backfires on me, and ends with me laying broken and crying while they run away, far and fast.

Warning: I get bored and cheat. I've done it so very many times. I cheated on Alex with Joe, and then again with Julian, which was ultimately the reason we broke up, because I thought I cared for him more and he could make me happier than Alex could. Then I cheated on Josh with John, because I felt bad for him, and with Freyja, because she was attractive and it was the first time I had the chance to be with a woman. And I cheated on John with Julian, because I had more of a connection and he was less drama and not so... broken. And I know all of this. I know it was wrong. I know I shouldn't have done it.

Warning: I'm verbally and emotionally abusive. I twist people and make them believe they are the ones who messed up. I make them apologize for having feelings and problems and a life away from me. I make them give up anything that could make their lives better.

Warning:
I'm a disaster. I hate myself more than anyone else could ever hate me. I'll never believe a word anyone says, because I can lie so damn well that even I start to believe my bullshit. I can't remember half of what anyone, including me, says. I'll have the same conversation three or four times because I'll forget that I had it. I constantly have to be reminded of every little thing, but get pissed off when I'm reminded.

Warning: I've been in a mental hospital before. I was there for self-harm, depression and suicidal thoughts. I was molested while in the hospital by a boy named Samir. He was 16, I think. I told the nurses. They did nothing to stop it from repeating. I got out and went into an intensive outpatient program, and eventually back to school. I stopped going to classes, I left early, skipped entire days. I almost failed out, if I hadn't moved to my dad's house and decided to finish high school like I was supposed to. I missed one day the rest of junior and senior year, and the lowest grade I got was a C.

Warning:
I AM A PSYCHOPATH! EVEN MY THERAPIST SAID SO. SHE WROTE PSYCHOSIS AS PART OF MY DIAGNOSIS. MAJOR DEPRESSION WITH FITS OF MANIA AND PSYCHOSIS. I'M CRAZY!!! JUST RUN!!! PLEASE, don't let me hurt you...

The fact that I care for someone is the exact reason I have to avoid them.

I barely know you. I know your name, and a tiny bit about you. I like you, and your smile. I work with you. But please, just run away. Say no. Dear god just say no. I'll ask. But please say no. Because I'll hurt you bad. And you don't deserve that. You deserve happiness and all I am is misery. Because I'll lie. Because I'll get bored. Because I'll abuse you. Because I'll be honest, and all my insecurities and self-loathing will be too much to handle and you'll decide I'm not worth the trouble, just like Julian did, because I'm not strong enough to lift you up while barely being able to keep myself afloat. Because I'll have to lean on you. And you don't deserve that.

Please. Run.

I want to not fail. I am trying to be honest with you, and with the limited interactions I've had with you, so far it's worked. I've told you the truth. I want to keep telling you the truth. I'm hoping I'm different, that with everything that's happened I've changed and the person who did all of those terrible things is dead and gone. I remember their faces, the people who I deceived, who trusted me and who I broke open and crushed their hearts in my hand. And I can't forget. Because if I do, I'll forget what I did to make it end so badly. I'll forget the progression that led up to the betrayal. I'll forget the little lies and harmless comments that made the snowball start rolling.

And if I do... I'll be that monster again.

I want you to like me. I want this to work. I want to be honest with you, to never lie to you. To never abandon you or tire of you. You could be something great.

But never say I didn't warn you.
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My Warning Label by kradamluv918, journal